Has been tough deciding how to restart this blog. As I sit here looking out my window, pretty much like I have for the last 9 years, I reflect a lot on what has happened and what might happen. Spending most of my time alone in this house has given me a lot of time to dream, cry and pray. That is when, I am not sleeping or tamping down the pain. That's pretty much what living with an invisible illness is; for me that is fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and spinal stenosis. It's actually not that simplistic, but in a nutshell will do for now. Doesn't bother me to be by myself as I feel there is a big difference between alone and lonely. During this time I have discovered what is truly important and learned to appreciate things with clarity not known before. Of course this happens when I am not hit by a rolling fog storm.
The past two days have been spent sleeping on and off around the clock. Time gone - GONE, never to be regained. Morgan has been spending time with her Aunt Deb, so one less worry knowing she's in safe keeping. I was asleep before he got home at 3:30 and woke about 7:30 p.m. It was dark and so quiet in the house, something about dark equals quieter. Making my way down the hallway I am thinking great, now I have missed everything. Closer to the kitchen, I begin to see a faint light in the den, but it is still so quiet. My heart sinks a little thinking I am by myself. I open the sliding glass door and peek around the corner; there he is sitting in the recliner. First thing he says, "are you okay honey"?
And my heart feels this rush of calm. I don't know why, because he's always there or he lets me know where he is. Bobby has been my rock. We have been married 13 years and he has really gotten the short end of the stick. Our families probably suffer more than we do; they give up so much too. It hasn't always been this easy for us; maybe more about that later. But the thing with Bobby is he made me really laugh when we first met. No one else really did that before and I am such a stick in the mud. So today he calls and tells me he will miss his dentist appointment this evening. Asks me to get the card off the refrigerator and tell him their phone number. I look at the card and say, 4:30. He laughs and laughs, my heart melts. Okay blondie, the phone number.
I am a very lucky girl.
